where do I even begin with this topic? I have so much to say yet so little I can express about it. Anxiety is hard to deal with and when a romantic relationship is added into the mixture, its a whole roller coaster for you and your partner because it has been for me and my partner. I never really realized that it was such a big deal until I started falling for someone and it was time for me to be vulnerable and it was working out unlike my other relationships in the past. I noticed that this happened to me when i was starting to get to know him and we had met, I realized that i was starting to finally fall for this man and I was slowly starting to wear my heart on my sleeve which meant that i could get my heart broken and get utterly disappointed anytime and it was a scary feeling which also led to me over analyzing situations and entertaining conversations in my head with myself which would always start with a “what if he’s saying and doing this to every other girl?”, “whats the catch? because this is too good to be true”,”Is he messaging other girls when he isn’t with me?”, “Does he have other intentions” and end with ” I don’t want to look stupid”. With cheating happening left, right and center everywhere around me, it was definitely even more scary not because I thought he was the type of man that cheats on every other girl he comes across but the possibility of cheating and I wanted to run like the other men in my past who would run away when they heard the word commitment. This had been going on for about a few weeks and i just did not know what to do because i had called my best friend enough about the same issue and it was always about the what ifs, I always wondered if telling him about this was a good decision as i certainly did not want to look crazy and make him run away so i decided to brush off the decision of not telling him as I struggled with it myself because I wasn’t ready for him to see that side of me. I do not know how but but i just got over it but maybe it was his reassurance and his stern “i am staying and anything you do wont scare me away” talk that helped me get past that.
Further along the relationship I still suddenly started feeling the same way but what made it worse was also the fact that we were in a rocky phase in our relationship where we weren’t communicating much. This was a tough time for the both of us but i can only speak of my experience and it was a bad time for me because as much as I needed him to be there for me the communication was so bad that it had created a rift between us and in such a phase, I was trying to be there for him and save him instead of trying to save myself first. I prayed a lot, spoke to people a lot about my situation but what I finally did was accept that it was okay to let go and what is meant to be mine will eventually come back to me. That is how my process of healing and staying calm started. I still have my anxiety in my relationship and I believe that it stems from me realizing that i am getting more vulnerable over time, also from the fear of looking stupid from being cheated on and being replaced but one of my sister’s once told me “You could keep being anxious about him cheating on you with someone else and being negative about every other situation or you could take the leap of faith and trust him and enjoy the time you guys have. If he cheats then he does and you can deal with it then if it ever happens but no point worrying about it if you haven’t caught him red handed” and that is what i remind myself everyday when my anxiety tries to get the best of me. As much he tries to reassure you, you must come to terms with yourself that it could happen but even if he leaves, you will be alright because you always have made it through whatever.
BUT! know that just because you have anxiety does not mean that you always blame yourself for the shortcomings in your relationship, because sometimes people slack so don’t be afraid to call your partner out and let them know where they have been slacking, the more you try to hold it in, the more it will cause you stress and I learned to not always blame my anxiety and tell my partner when he isn’t doing what he needs to do. You should be able to talk to your partner about it and communicate about what you need him to do. Don’t try to hide that you are anxious because I surely made a mistake by trying to hide it from my boyfriend during the initial point in our relationship, It is nothing to be ashamed about. When you start feeling anxious and feeling some type of way, ask yourself if its the anxiety or if its actually the problem in the relationship. So, Its going to be alright. your anxiety might get the best of you at times and you might just stumble here and there but during those days you just need to remind yourself that regardless of if life actually throws a curve ball for your your relationship or whoever your partner meets, You will make it through.