Well, hello there stranger!
Its been a long time since i last posted and i have a legit reason for that, its because i wanted to actually come back to Delhi and write. I also wanted to post pictures along with the posts , which i will be doing soon.
Back to the topic though, OH MAN OH MAN!!!! i sure did struggle with my breakup from last year. It took me exactly 5 months to get over my-almost-one-year-old-relationship and BOYYY, was it hard. The first 3 months was the hardest because i would cry almost everyday, my routine consisted of my morning crying session,afternoon crying session in college and lastly the night crying session. I really tried to move on as soon as i could by listening to Beyonce and Adele, sometimes i would have my “Beyonce” moments after listening to her music and i would feel invincible but that lasted about an hour. I think it was even harder because i still continued to talk to him and i’d entertain his “i miss yous” and “i love yous” even after the break-up but i cant really blame him because i kept entertaining him even after the breakup and kept putting myself in the same situation. I cant blame anyone but myself for the decisions i made after the breakup even though it was selfish of him to keep giving me emotional-bread-crumbs from time to time after the breakup . Isn’t there a saying on the internet about someone being more involved and attached in the relationship as compared to the other partner? well, that was me. I was too emotionally invested in him and our relationship to see that half way along the relationship he was suddenly thinking “practically” and had made a decision that he didn’t want to continue whatever we had going on. As much as i made excuses like “He had to do it because he is in a different phase in his life” , “He did it because of the societal pressure” or “He had to do it because my family was just too intimidating” for him , I had to realize that if he really did love me and he thought that i was worth the fight and risk, he would have done whatever he could to be with me and would have defended the relationship, like i did. I was the one to breakup but it felt like he had already broken up with me in his head and had prepared himself for the moving on phase. I felt like it was already over for him as he was being very distant while giving me so many reasons on how the relationship is stressing him out and then i realized that men would rather lose their right arm than breakup with their supposed “Girlfriend”, so that’s how i got the clue and did what i had to do(Trust your gut GIRL!). No one can prepare you for a breakup , No amount of breakup experience will help you through the ordeal because its a whole new roller coaster and you go through different twist and turns every breakup. I struggled to accept the fact that we were over and maybe someday I’d hear that he was going to marry someone even though i told my friends and family members that i was over him but no one really believed what i said because at the end of the night, I’d be in the corner of the balcony crying and calling his phone.As much as i am embarrassed of the times i desperately called him and cried over the phone asking him to come back home,i am also glad i did what i did because it was a process and it helped me move on. I really wanted my closure and i was also ready to travel to where he was to get it because i desperately wanted him to give me a good enough reason and stop being so vague about it, though we agreed on me traveling to where he was, he also told me how he was going to be busy with work and later started to panic when i said i wanted my closure . That was it for me, that was the last straw and that is when i deleted his number and never looked back again. I am glad i went through the gruesome process of that relationship to know exactly what i want in a man and i know better now. I wouldn’t say he is a bad person because he isn’t but he was just bad at being a boyfriend. Although i wouldn’t have hesitated to run him over with a car, i still wish him what he deserves and i hope at the end he finds happiness.
Breakups are hard whether you are 16 or 32 because we give in so much of ourselves to the relationship and if you are young, people may try to brush off your struggle but trust me, i know that its hard for you too but you just have to not listen to the condescending advises because that’s going to make you feel like your pain doesn’t matter because you are young . Pain is pain and age doesn’t have anything to do with it. Some adults thought that i was going to get over the breakup in a week because i was young, what they did not know was, i struggled everyday to eat and go to sleep because in that phase we aren’t thinking ” i am so young and i have so many options” , so if you are one of those adults that give such advises, I’d have to ask you to stop and just learn to listen sometimes because not everyone is looking for your ” i have lived 30 years on this planet and i know more than you” gyaan (knowledge). PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN TO LISTEN.
and as for me, i realized that the Kylie Jenner and Tyga age gap relationship doesn’t really work in reality and i also need to stop investing time and effort on people that don’t invest their time and effort on me. And also go “NO HABLO FUCKBOY” when a fuckboy approaches me.